DUCKS IN THE FAMILY BIBLE

In every family there's some relatives, which have  gotten misplaced.  These are not the ones who got shot, run off, or put away, because likely as not, they'll show up right before you die.  Sometimes though, you just don't know all your kin folks.  For instance, for most of my life I thought I had three missing cousins named Caladonia, Pocahontas, and Phidelia.  I remember clearly the day that I "found out" about them.  It was after the first snowfall the year I turned twelve, and our family was loaded in the sleigh headed for "yonder field".  We were off to visit Aunt Etta and Uncle Junius again, but daddy never said that;  just always said, "We're going to yonder field".  When we got there, Aunt Etta had set us a big table!  We loved her cooking, well, all except for the gravy.  You could stand a wooden spoon right straight up in the middle of it.  Mama stopped daddy from hanging his hat on it once, and dared us not to let on to Aunt Etta.  Right over beside the old sideboard there was a small table with a crocheted doily and a great big family Bible.  I was particularly curious that day, and the grown ups weren't looking, so I sneeked a peek.  Aunt Etta had carefully recorded pages of births, deaths, marriages, and baptisms.  I found locks of hair and dried flowers in the Old Testament.  When I got big enough to tell mama that I  handled Aunt Etta's Bible after the gravy, I asked how come I never got to meet my cousins; Caladonia, Pocahontas, or Phidelia.  I can't even describe what mama did right then;  it was like she was delightfully insane, laughing hysterically for several minutes.  Come to find out, the three "cousins", were three DUCKS!  See, Aunt Etta was real partial to ducks, and only wanted to raise them for pets.  Uncle Junius had other plans.  The first time he decided to have one for dinner, Aunt Etta cooked it, but she grieved herself to tears.  After, she went over to the family Bible and wrote the duck's name down, hoping that Uncle Junius would take notice.   That first one was Caladonia, then next time was Pocahontas, and last was Phidelia.  Since there weren't any more entries,  I guessed that she got over it, but mama said that Uncle Junius figured if Aunt Etta was going to fill the Bible up with ducks, it just wasn't worth it, so he swore off!  They never ate duck again.  I was real disappointed after all those years to find out I never did have three more cousins.  I had the same feeling the day I found out I got born.  Mama didn't really find me in the bottom of a flour sack...and daddy really didn't have to wait for hot biscuits before she told him.