"Hold On to Your Fork!"

(This is not an original story of mine, but I'm sharing because I like it!)  I heard a story sometime ago about Aunt Gloria.  Seems she called the preacher over to discuss her funeral arrangements.  Firmly, she informed him that she wanted to be buried with her bible in one hand and a fork in the other.  Puzzled, he said, "Well, I understand your reason for the bible, but why the fork?"  Calmly she told him, "When I was a little girl, Mama would set us all down to Sunday dinner and we would eat 'till we surely couldn't hold dessert.  Then mama would take our plates, but she would always tell us, "Hold On To your fork!" We knew then,"the best was yet to come!" ( Aunt Gloria was holding a fork when they buried her)

How You Earned It.

How You Earned It

(This is a joke I heard, not an original story of mine)




A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. (The depth of the Great Depression). I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

"The Porch"

If you were at Papaw's house on a hot summer night, it meant everybody was moving to the front porch because it was too hot in the house. There were three porches at Papaw's: the back porch, the front porch; and of course, the "dog porch" (also called "dog trot hall" because that's where they cut through.) Nobody ever sat on the back porch unless they just got in from baling hay or walking through tall grass, or maybe the garden. It was the mud porch, and you didn't dare go in the house 'til all the ticks and dirt got picked off. The dog porch ran straight down the middle of the house, with the living and sleeping areas on one side and the kitchen on the other. Naturally, the dogs slept close to the kitchen door. ( It was their job to dispose of scraps). The front porch however, was a respectable distance from the outhouse, and afforded the best view of the neighbors.

Papaw And The Spring Shed

If you've ever dipped your feet in spring water then you already know how cold it gets. Try taking a bath in it. Whoooo! (Won't hurt you, but that homemade lye soap will nearly take your hide off.) Papaw used to say his nose was "running like a spring branch". That's a branch of the spring which comes through your farm. (a coveted thing). Papaw built a wooden shed over the spring. It was four walls and a roof with no floor, and that's where he kept the potatoes he dug from his garden. He banked them up around the walls so they would stay dry, and then the water from the spring kept the shed cool.

Neighbors Don't "Neighbor" Like They Used To

Old Mr. & Mrs. Rigley lived "hollerin' distance" from our farm. Mrs. Rigley worked in her garden with a country bonnet on her head to keep the sun off. It didn't do a whole lot of good, seeing as how she was wrinkled up like a dried plum. They were good folks, though, and I liked her muscadine jelly. ( Everybody said she made the wine too, 'cause Mr. Rigley was always falling off the tractor.) Anyhow, one day I took the trail over to their place. Mrs. Rigley got to talking about old times and commented as how "Neighbors Just Don't Neighbor Like They Used To!"